Top Ten Entries

Okay, you all have rocked this top ten list. Tomorrow I will announce the ten we’re going to go with, but here are all the entries I received:

The Top Ten Things to Do During an Awkward Moment at Church:

• Give yourself a wedgie
• Start a gang and go wilding
• Ask, very loudly, “So, does anyone in here kiss better than my mom?”
• Hey, let’s take another offering!
• Show self-made documentary you made about your last rectal exam
• Practice your Macarena moves
• Find out just how many licks it really takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
• Discuss with person sitting next to whether legally changing your name to Colonial Sanders is a good idea
• Assume a fetal position and scream, “No, it’s those voices again!”
• Yell, “Can I borrow some toilet paper from anyone?”
• Blame the mishap on global warming.
• Form discussion groups to ponder the burning question: “Personal Hygiene: Necessity or needless pursuit?”
• No need for panic! Just ask, “What would Chuck Norris Do?
• Play pin the tail on the preacher. (Come on, you know you’ve always wanted to)
• Claim the mishap was judgment from God because the offering total wasn’t quite what it needed to be!
• When mishap occurs have pastor say, “You people obviously don’t give a sh**!” By the time the crowd recovers from the shock things should be back on line…
• Thank God it was, “Here, sign this waiver” Sunday at your church. Whew!
• Remind everyone that their seat cushion also acts as a flotation device…
• Have the campus pastor whip out a really lame top ten list!
• “Every take out the straw taped under your seat and lets see who can hit Vince between the eyes with a spit wad.”
• Just put in Sweating to the Oldies vol 3.
• Get out the drum and the purse materials and politely “ask” everyone to assemble 50 hobo bags so we can afford new video equipment.
• Air guitar contest!
• Wonder how old this gum is under the chair?
• Have a copy of Guitar Hero III and a XBox 360 on standby…
• Have a spontaneous “Flirt to Convert” session with all of the singles.
• Set up large scale and have compulsory weigh-in. Designate Campus Pastor as “weight guesser”.
• Have “plants” in congregation yell “Preach it!”, “Amen,” and “You know it” at the screen as if the video is still going.
• Nap time!
• Create the world’s longest back massage train.
• Come up with new acronyms to confuse new attenders. WWJD is so last decade.
• Insert hands in armpits, remove, places hands under nose, inhale. Repeat until awkward moment has passed
• Yell “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID” during the pause after the speaker has made a salient point . . .
• Shout “Who wants to see my new Satan tattoo?”
• Ask “Who’s up for a beer run?”
• Start doing the Macarena
• Start crawling Army style under the pews/seats while making signals to other “soldiers”
• Continue sleeping
• Have someone juggle chainsaws
• Perform an impromptu puppet show featuring ‘Sock-o!’ the talking sock

– featured on newchurches.com