From Israel #10

Today is our last day in Israel, and we had a “free day.” I spent most of it at my new favorite place in the world, St. Anne’s Church in Jerusalem. It is allegedly built on the location where Mary (the mother of Jesus) was born. It is noted, though, for being the church with the best acoustics, maybe in the entire world. So every tour group that comes in will gather together and sing a worship song or two. It’s amazing. In St. Anne’s I heard groups from 16 different nations sing to God. It made me long for Heaven. I could sit there for days on end.

So while I was experiencing all that I opened my journal and just started writing. I’m going to share what I wrote, but I’m hesitant to do it because it may come off a little … well, I don’t know, but I’m hesitant. But since I’m trying to share my journey and my thoughts with you, here’s what I wrote:

God, I want more. I want to love, cry, smile. I want to be a radical. I want to pray. I want to sweat blood. I want to feel. I want intimacy. I want passion. I want power, resurrection power. I want to see You. I want to touch Heaven. I want to hurt, to suffer. I want to walk, run, and fly. I want to scream. I want to rejoice. I want to laugh till I ache. I want to ache. I want to care. I want to be in the rebellion. I want to lead the rebellion. I want to be the rebellion. I want to live with reckless abandon. I want to be astonished and afraid. I want to dream. I want to see visions. I want to hear the clatter of dry bones coming together. I want good friends. I want to love my enemies. I want holiness. I want to experience the sacred, the divine. I want to hallow Your name. I want to walk on water. I want to dance on water. I want to touch the sick, I want to experience their pain, I want to heal them. I want truth. I want to be set free. I want to be hungry, and I want to be full. I want the Spirit. I want to drink the Spirit. I want to be falling down drunk on the Spirit. I want guidance, direction, discernment, wisdom. I want to be a warrior. I want to never look back, turn back, or go back. I want to attack. I want to cause trouble. I want to induce fear. I want to turn the world upside down. I want to pour myself out and pour myself into today like there’s no tomorrow. I want to be comforted. I want to thirst for righteousness. I want to be an agent of justice. I want to shine. I want to blaze. I want to bathe in grace. I want beauty from my ashes. I want to seek first the Kingdom, I want to bring the Kingdom, I want the Kingdom to fill me up and spill out of me. I want to carry the cross till my legs burn and my shoulder bleeds. I want to see that the tomb is empty. I want Jesus. Lifted up, easy to see, leading my life, overwhelming my life with His life. I want Jesus. I want Jesus.

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