A Horse & Carriage? (Part 3)

Thought I’d share a few posts on your wife for pastors, especially church planters. I don’t mean to be sexist. If you are a female pastor or church planter, more power to ya. I just don’t know anything about being a male spouse of a church planter, so I can’t speak on that…

Your wife comes before your church. I know you’ve heard that before, and it may even sound like a cliché to you, but if its such common sense, why isn’t it more common? And, more personally, are you actually living it or is it just a cliché you agree with? Or, more pointedly, if I asked your wife if she knows that she’s more important to you than your ministry and church, would she say yes? Would she hesitate?

There are all kinds of insane statistics about how bad ministry is for marriage, and how unhappy pastor’s wives are, and how many pastors are looking at pornography or having affairs. And I’ve never seen a statistic on how many pastor’s wives fantasize about men who aren’t their husbands, but my guess is that it’s more than the amount of husbands who look at porn.

So what’s the answer for all this crap? Well, part of it is you making sure you put your wife before your church. Seriously. Listen, your church can get another pastor and will someday, your wife shouldn’t have to get another husband and hopefully won’t someday.

If you want more (and better) thoughts on this, read Andy Stanley’s book, “Choosing to Cheat.”

If your marriage is currently so strained that you can’t picture putting your wife first, go to counseling, go directly to counseling, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Yes, I’m serious. Yes, my wife and I have done it. Yes, it totally helped us. Stop making stupid excuses, just do it.

– featured on newchurches.com