Thought I’d share a few posts on your wife for pastors, especially church planters. I don’t mean to be sexist. If you are a female pastor or church planter, more power to ya. I just don’t know anything about being a male spouse of a church planter, so I can’t speak on that…
We’re nearing the end of this series, and my advice for today: Date your spouse. Again, everyone says that, and it seems like common sense, it’s just not very common. And there are all kinds of excuses: “We don’t have the time.” “We don’t have a babysitter.” “We don’t have the money.” “American Idol is on tonight.” But there is a theological response to each of those objections: Bullcrap! None of that is a good enough reason to not date your spouse.
When you first met and started dating you both showed each other your best sides, you pursued each other, you made sure you have fun together. Then you got married, went into ministry, maybe had a kid … and your marriage feels boring and your wife isn’t exciting and other women seem more alluring. The theological response to that is: Duh! Of course that’s going to happen, because you’ve stopped pursuing each other.
My wife and I totally went through this. When we were first married we made fun of couples who had a “date night” because we had a “date life.” Then ministry and kids happened, and suddenly we didn’t have a date anything. We went to counseling and the guy asked us if things were ever great in our marriage. We said yes and told him about how things were when we were first married. He said, “Well, if you want things the way they were, you need to do what you did.” (Again, duh!)
So we started clearing our schedules to talk or play games several nights a week, and made sure to go on a few dates a month. At first it felt kind of awkward, but pretty soon we were almost back to when things were really good.
So are things boring or even bad in your marriage? Then do the things you used to do. Or if things were never great, you’ll have to do things you never did to get something you’ve never had. Now stop reading this stupid blog, call your wife, and set up a freakin’ date.
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