The D Word

I currently have three couples – three of my favorite couples, all who are involved in ministry at some level – who are all at least talking about divorce. I am holding onto hope, and praying hard, but it seems like they are headed quickly in that direction. So I thought I’d share a few thoughts.

First, prevention. How do you avoid the topic of divorce from even coming up in your marriage? You keep the health of your marriage a priority and continue to pursue your spouse even after you already have your spouse.

Marriage is incredibly difficult. You have two imperfect people trying to share life together on a daily basis. Their imperfections come banging up against each other, and they quickly discover that they’re incompatible. (No two imperfect people are compatible. Compatibility is a myth.) Add to that the stress of money, and kids, and sex, and in-laws, and on the list goes.

It’s going to be difficult. Unbelievably difficult. And it will be miserable unless you make the health of your marriage a priority and continue to pursue your spouse even after you already have your spouse. Whatever led you to fall in love in the first place, stay focused on that and keep doing those things. Go on dates, have couch time, have sex every day (or as close as possible) (I’m serious), write love notes, say “I love you,” go on walks and picnics and have weekend getaways. If you do, you’ll have a marriage you enjoy, maybe love. If you don’t, you’ll be miserable.

One more word about prevention. The way to keep your marriage healthy and to continue to pursue your spouse is by having God at the center of your marriage. You’re not capable, on your own, of doing this. You’ll need God’s help. And without a focus on God, your marriage becomes the focus and that makes it an idol, and puts weight on it that your marriage just can’t handle. Put God at the center of your marriage.

Tomorrow I’ll share another thought.