"The Talk"

I’ve now had the privilege of having “the talk” with each of my kids.  The experts suggest having it when your kids turn 8, we waited with each till they were 10.  I think I’m pretty good at it, so I thought I’d share an outline of what I say to maybe help other parents who have this in their future. Here goes:

  1. First, I ask, we’re going to talk about sex, so tell me what you think sex is and what you know about it.
  2. I explain that mom and I know all about sex, and so you can tell us anything you hear about it, or ask us anything about it…
  3. Then, I say, I’m going to explain what sex is, but first let’s talk about marriage. Because God gave sex as something that is amazing and beautiful and powerful for married people to share.
  4. Marriage is So important to God.
  5. God wants a husband and wife to have a relationship with each other like they have with no one else. He wants them to have intimacy – to be closer with each other than any other two people AND He wants them to have children together.
  6. So what is sex?  Then I tell about boy parts, girl parts, how they fit together, etc.  (With my kids at least, this is where you get looks of shock, and interesting questions.)
  7. Why does God give sex?  Well, remember what God wants for married people?  First, intimacy.  And sex gives married people intimacy.  In fact, the Bible says when people have sex they become “one flesh” – it’s like they’re so close they almost become one person.  It’s like relational super glue.  (I also explain here that sex feels good, allows the two people to share special feelings that they don’t get to share with anyone else, etc.)
  8. And second, for them to be able to have children and be parents.  Sex is how people have babies.  Then I explain how that works.  Daddy juice + Mommy egg = baby!  (I also explain here that sex doesn’t always produce babies, but it always can…)
  9. So … sex is an awesome, perfect, beautiful gift god gives to married people.
  10. But there’s a problem.  Sometimes people take that gift for married people, and they use it outside of marriage.
  11. Why is that a problem?  Well, remember what sex does?  Well, the problem is that it does it for people who aren’t married too.
  12. Sex gives two people intimacy, like they become one.  And it does the same for unmarried people.  The problem is that those two people then break up and go their separate ways, and it’s like they ripped a piece of the other one off and take it with them.  (I explain that in a little more detail, some illustrations, and I talk about the pain it causes people, and how it creates problems in marriage later – which it always does.)
  13. Sex allows people to have babies.  And so when two unmarried people have sex they can also have a baby.  And that’s not what they want, and think about that…  (More details.)
  14. So sex outside of marriage creates all kinds of problems.  Inside of marriage it’s awesome.  (I use fire as an illustration – fire is a needed and amazing thing, but where fire is in the wrong place it is destructive…)
  15. Then I talk about puberty.  Body starts changing (I explain, or mom did for our daughter), God is moving you towards the point where you can get married (if you want and He leads you to it) and you can have that kind of intimacy and have babies.
  16. Puberty is also when you start to get attracted to the opposite sex, temptations start to come to move towards sex, or have sex, before marriage.  But remember that’s not what God intended it for, it leads to problems and is destructive.
  17. So wait for marriage.
  18. And inside marriage, it is amazing, beautiful, etc., etc.
  19. Questions?
  20. Then I explain that we’ll have this same talk (with a few added details each time) every six months…